I didn't intend to keep you waiting for nearly a week before continuing on our discourse on MARRIAGE and DIVORCE. But I had to attend to an urgent national duty in Lagos, South West Nigeria where I dashed down to attend a National Stakeholders Forum on the forthcoming Nigerian Elections. Today, I want us to discuss what really breaks down marriage especially to the point of the relationship becoming irretrievable.
Every relationship, marriage not an exception is built on the foundation of TRUST. Trust that your partner truly cares about you and is ready to stand through every storm with you. Trust that you will not be betrayed in any way; trust that ultimately, your partner will be faithful to you both in body, spirit and mind. When faithfulness is mentioned in this context, our minds goes to fidelity or to put it bluntly, sexual faithfulness! That is critically important but that is not just the only way that faithfulness can be betrayed.
The reason trust is very important in marriage is the fact that your marriage partner is the one that knows you better than all others. I mean, let's face it, he or she is the only person you can be audacious enough to stand in front of him or her and be stone-naked! If you can't trust that person, then you must be raving mad to remain in that relationship because you might be next to being dead! Whoever sleeps with you and you cannot vouch for the person is a killer! That is if the person can betray you to the point of being unfaithful to you.
I have seen couples who take TRUST for granted, they believe their partners can't do certain things and when such things happen, they are devastated that it takes years for them to recover and be able to trust any other partner again, if they eventually get involved with any other. How do you explain discussing very private matters with your partner that should remain in the confines of your bedroom and you hear it on house-tops across the city? If that is mild, what about having your partner giving herself up for cheap with other men or giving himself as a sex partner with another woman? If that is agonizing enough, it is almost unthinkable if the person is unrepentant and expects you to take it as "one of those things!"
Trust when broken, like egg, defines the beginning of the end of any relationship. It is easier for people outside the confines of that relationship to speak like they are trying to be righteous by asking you to forget about it. The truth remains that if a person is unfaithful and takes it as a light thing, there are tendencies for such persons to continue to be unfaithful. I am a Christian and a minister of the Gospel for that matter. I believe in the prevailing power of prayers to change an unrepentant soul but I do not believe that God desires one partner to continue to be abused because the other is not respectful of God's ways.
When your destiny is at stake with an unfaithful partner, it is time to call it quits. This is very audacious a statement to make. Does God love us as His Children? Yes He does to the point He gave His Own Son as a ransom for us. What will He do if we refuse His Gift of Salvation? Nothing... the repercussion of Hell follows suit automatically in spite of His All Encompassing Love!
As Christians, we are supposed to be always forgiving. Yes, I totally agree. We must note also that forgiveness does not mean a continuous open door for people to mess you up. When Christ picked up a whip and overturned the tables of money-changers in the Bible, was He doing a righteous thing?! Yes. Never throw pearls to dogs! In the name of religion and being holy, we have thrown our own destinies to the wind without knowledge. It is good to be zealous for God but you can't be more zealous than God. Many people in the name of God have continued to mess others up and taking them for granted that as God's children, the offended fellows should be able to forgive. Now that you know that you can be forgiven but you might not have the marriage back should give you another perspective to the understanding you have.
He that has ear, let him hear!
