MARRIAGE & DIVORCE AS A DESTINY DECISION

          As I began to discuss this matter in my last post, it attracted a huge followership.  This confirmed the fact that there are many who have serious issues with this subject.  It is a subject less discussed but commonly giving many a lot of trouble.  People especially in Africa discuss it less because they are afraid of being stigmatized as people who contemplate something that is anti-social.  The Church avoid it because they have come to live with the “fact” and not the truth that marriage is forever and the dissolution of one is completely undesirable and so the prospect of it being broken should not be discussed!  Individuals having challenges in their marriages and virtually heading towards eventual death prefer to die in it than talk about it and even contemplate a solution that might end up in divorce.  We all want to maintain a “perfect” image on the outside and do ourselves a disservice on the inside.  God forbid!  Knowledge in the real sense of the word is a deliverer.

          Agreed, marriage is meant to be forever and it is God’s perfect will for a married couple to live forever.  However, the question that we must be ready to face and answer is:  are all married couples ready to live with each other forever?  You might want to find out why this question is necessary.  If a man wants to live in harmony with his wife, would he contemplate and then move to act by cheating on her?  Would a wife who wants her marriage to remain forever go out of her way to create situations that will kill the trust her husband has reposed on her?  Why would a partner in a marriage constitute an obstacle to the growth and well-being of the other and expect everything to stay normal?  Is it not madness to expect good results when we sow bad seeds?  God’s desire is for marriage to be forever but man’s behavior runs contrary to that desire and that is why we have crisis and that is why marriages break up!

          Does God throw His hands in the air in utter dejection because you and your spouse cannot live together?  No!  Does He abandon His plan for you as an individual because you could not live with a partner?  Of course not!  He never does that and will never do that.  God will always be available for you to the extent that you relate to Him.  Amos 3:3 speaks about God’s mind about relationships between two people… “Can two walk together except they be agreed?”  We have standards in place for how human beings must relate to each other and how we must relate with God.  If you violate the “rules of engagement”, you will pay the penalty in each case.  Whatever you sow you reap.

          This background is necessary for critical understanding of the subject.  I have taken it up to discuss the nitty-gritty of this subject because a whole of lot people are in ignorance and it is important they are delivered.  Let me close today’s blog with a straight talk about one critical cause of bad marriages and why divorce becomes inevitable if the lives of the two involved must amount to anything.  This is not a license for you to go to town and become a divorce advocate and it is this fear that keeps people from discussing it especially in religious circle.  We believe that speaking the truth as it should be spoken will cause people to take the extreme measures and abuse it.  Say the truth all the same and let people use their judgment to decide.  Ultimately, everyone will be responsible for their personal decision but you must satisfy yourself that the knowledge you have, you made good your obligation to share it as it should be.

The Issue if not Divorce but Marriage Founded on Wrong Footing!

          Divorce is only a symptom of a disease.  The real disease is a bad marriage.  What constitutes or makes for a bad marriage?  It goes back to the foundation… when it all started.  I have always said it and I know it is true that not every woman is a wife to every man.  In the same vein, not every man can live with every woman.  The fact that you like someone does not make it right for you to be married.  Not every woman you like can be your wife.  Being married to someone is too serious to be taken casually, without detailed knowledge and seen as a vogue that you must wade into once you reach a certain chronological age.  It is a destiny decision and must be handled with all he seriousness it deserves.

          Unfortunately, many people who marry do so for the very wrong reasons marrying the persons they marry also for the wrong reasons.  When the right principles are not applied in the process of the marriage foundation, whatever is built on it cannot stand the test of time.  And when the center cannot hold, and things start falling apart, the consequence or the symptoms of that bad arrangement is divorce.  Keep a date with me in my next blog as we look at very clear reasons why divorce can become inevitable… if you are married, avoid them, if you are not married yet, you will know them and take note.  Let your comments keep coming… am all ears!

THE VEXED ISSUE OF MARRIAGE & DIVORCE

          I want to take a break for a few days from our series on YOUTH, SEX and PURPOSE to discuss a matter that many of us do not want to get close to touching even with a ten-mile pole!  The issues we dread discussing are the most misunderstood and the ones that give us the most head and heartache.  Believe it or not, the one issue that is top on the list of such matters is the vexed subject of Marriage & Divorce.

          As much as I would want to be practical and unbiased about this matter, I am sure to attract comments from people who believe that I am speaking from a bent perspective either because of your personal knowledge of my person or from the side of one of those people who would not want to allow a second opinion into their head besides the traditional, popularly accepted even though not totally true concept that has been around for a while.  I will try very hard to be neutral without religious inclination but you must forgive me because my background as a Christian and a clergy will affect my discourse as I will use the Christian faith and doctrine as a reference point – for that I have no apology.

          I discovered recently that divorce like marriage is as old as the human race itself.  From biblical historical perspective, the matters of divorce came up as a law from Moses when he led the Israelites in the wilderness Church as they transited from Egypt to homeland Israel.  Divorce was becoming so rampant that God Himself had to ask Moses to pass a resolution regulating what qualifies for the right reason for divorce.  So the first time God intervened in the issue of marriage and divorce, he had to permit it to solve a problem.    Before your righteous self raise your hands to protest that it was in the law and in the Old Testament, I will save you that trouble by asking why we always want to pick the part of the Old Testament that appeals to us and drop the parts that do not support our warp theological beliefs.  For example, it is very hard for many of us especially in the clergy council to protest about Malachi 3:10.  That on its own is a subject for another day all by itself.

          Therefore, divorce is not new to God, it is not a subject that should be dreaded and in case you have misunderstandings about how it has been looked upon, the best place to look is Bible as a Christian.

          Lets face it… nobody in his right sense goes into marriage with a desire to mess things up later in life.  Marriage is always meant to be a life-long affair and God Himself meant it to be so right from the onset.  But, things do go wrong.  When God created the world, He made everything perfect and was pleased.  Things went wrong in Genesis 6 and he had a corrective measure handy… he destroyed all living beings that corrupted the earth and started again with Noah and his family.  Yes, God!  He knew the end from the beginning but He never meant to destroy the earth except that things went the way He did not plan.  

          Marriage is an institution like any other that God instituted to be run by imperfect human beings who may decide not to follow God’s injunction on how it should be run.  It is a bi-partisan relationship that takes two to tango; the two must necessarily agree for it to work.  It is a covenant with conditions to be fulfilled by all the involved parties with accompanying consequences for violation on the part of anyone who breaks the hedge.  

          God originally meant marriage to be indissoluble but makes provision to safeguard people in the event that they rock the boat so that the people are safe to be able to live again.  We rush to safeguard the institution and are not keen to note that the people who make the institution need to be safe too.  

          Keep your comments coming… lets continue our gist on marriage tomorrow.  

Don't Erase Sex Thoughts, Replace them with Purpose

        In my last discourse, I addressed the subject of purpose.  At the risk of repeating myself, it is critically important that you have a clear idea of what your mission to this earth is and the fact that you must be committed to carrying out the mission.

            It is also important that we are reminded that this series is about defeating the monster of pre-marital sex.  However, the monster cannot be defeated or tamed by focusing on it all the time.  As a matter of fact, when you focus on something long enough, it becomes bigger.  Rather than concentrate on premarital sex, having discussed the destructive nature of the vice, we should be preoccupied with the higher pursuits of life such that we have no idle time to be tempted to go back to something that can deter us from accomplishing our ultimate purpose in life.

            Do you by now have a clear picture of your future after understanding your gifts and talents?  Do you know what you should be about doing in your life now?

            Some of you are students seeking admission into higher institutions of learning or you could be in your Senior Secondary School.  Your greatest use of time should be focused on defining your course in life.  Where do you see yourself in 10 years?  Do you a gifted craftsman; desire to develop your skills with a course in Engineering?  Do you a gifted language individual desire a further development in linguistics or you simply have a heart for the sick and would prefer to pursue a career in medicine?  Now is the time to begin to take your life’s journey towards a defined and definite destination.

            You may not be a student.  You might just be a young fellow fresh out of the Youth Service Scheme seeking a place in the employment market.  What skills do you have handy that will be of immense value to employers of labour?  Have you realized that the days of single stream of income and salaried employments are over?  Are you relevant as far as information technology is concerned?  Can you fit into the emerging and highly competitive world?  Do you have the capacity to function and excel?  There should be your ultimate concern right now.  As you do an objective analysis of your position, now is the time to act on deficient areas – take that IT raining; attend that capacity building seminar; learn that trade and earn that Project Management Certificate.  Take the trip to your destiny.

            Many of us spend so much time analyzing the trip without ever stepping out.  We over-contemplate the options available to us that we never step out.  Too much analysis causes paralysis.  Its either we are afraid of taking the bold step or we have no self-confidence to make the decisive more.

            The truth remains that if you never step out, you never get results.  You may fail, that is okay, it becomes an experience you can count on tomorrow.

            Can you objectively tell me that while you are this focused on your life that you will have the presence of mind to flirt with the idle of going to bed with a girl or young man who is not heading the save direction in life with you?  It is not possible for you to be this engaged in life and pursue illicit sex activities.  The two cannot work together well.  The choice is definitely yours to make.  We should be strong enough to be responsible for our decisions.  Most times a lot of young people are not strong and ready for being responsible for the decisions they make.  It is the reason that you must pay attention now.

YOU ARE HERE FOR SOMETHING GREATER THAN HORMONES!

        There are about 6.5 billion people today on planet earth.  They are spread across the six continents of North America, Latin America, Europe, Africa, Asia and Eurasia.  Each one of the persons has unique characteristics in the DNA that makes them different from one another.  Why would the creator of all humans make us all different without apportioning specific purposes to us in relation to His overall corporate purpose for the earth?  It is simply not possible.  Everyone was created for a purpose to fulfill in a life time that is shared to each one of us in time frames.  Have you discovered why you are here?

            You are not a statistical figure to be counted and kept aside.  Your uniqueness comes with a purpose.  You have been crafted to carry out an assignment.  Finding that reason is what will give your life a meaning.

            There are four basic appetites in life that are legitimate but are prone to abuse.  When ever you do not know the purpose of anything, you are most likely to abuse it.  These appetites are food, sex, wealth and religion.  Every man eats but it is from food that gluttony results.  Sex is a legitimate appetite but it can be abused by its use outside matrimony.  Wealth is a desire in every heart but many evil has been committed in the bid to acquire wealth by all means.  Religion has taken more life than it should save because its application was misappropriated.

            Your purpose in life is more than indulging your sex appetite.  Such indulgences will cloud your broad sense of reasoning and you will lose sight of your bigger purpose in life.

            Rather than become so narrow in your pursuit of an appetite outside its purpose, it is right to get an understanding of your reason for being on earth, go on to fulfill it and within that package, you can enjoy legitimate, guiltless sex in marriage with its attendant benefits.

            Sex outside of purposeful living comes with many sorrows.  Getting sexually entangled with a man or woman before you are ready for the responsibility that comes with it can muzzle your real purpose in life.

What is Purpose?

            It is the reason, the cause or the “why” for why a thing is created.  A fan is meant to create an atmosphere to circulate air to cool the heated temperature.  A microphone is meant to amplify your voice and the book you are holding is meant to be read.

We are not all made the same.  We were wired differently.  This we will find from our personality types – whether introverts and extroverts; our giftedness, our background and experiences.  Our passion and natural abilities are all pointers to the area of life we are meant to be functioning.  Have you thought through all these basic areas of your life to discover your wiring?

Purpose discovered gives you a sense of mission and direction.  It motivates you to live with urgency in life that is focused and directed.  Lay your hand on purpose today.  When Henry Ford found out why he was on earth, he gave the world motor car.  Albert Einstein gave the world the electric bulb while Bill Gates gave us Windows.  Why you are here and what are you leaving behind in the world?  Are you just a spectator?  You were made for more than that.