Its been a while since I blogged. A lot of factors has been responsible. A lot of travels and a lot of work too. Now, lets take another view at love, that vexed four letter word that has caused a lot of ripples in the lives of both the young and the old over the ages.
I do not have the time to speak about the different meanings of the word "love". Suffice it to say however that love can be classified in three different categories of "agape", "phileo" and "eros". All are important depending upon which angle you are positioned. Agape, as the Greeks explain is God's unconditional love. Phileo is the kindred feeling for brother and sister, mother and father, friends and acquaintances. Eros is the animal love that lovers and married persons express in sex.
I want to focus on love as can be expressed in romantic situations. This is the hottest subject of the times. Every woman needs a man and vice versa. This need creates equally high amount of crisis that if not properly managed can cause a huge emotional turmoil of gigantic proportion. You see a lady, you feel strongly for her to be friends with her and when you speak to her, both of you seem to have the same chemistry and the next thing on your minds is how you can make that mutual feeling last for a long time. But this always does not last as long as we expect it to be. They are short-lived by many factors. Some of these factors are what really true love should help ameliorate.
When you tell someone you love him or her, I believe what that should mean is this: I like you as a person; I want to always be with you and if possible, I want you to spend the rest of our lives together. It also means: I care a lot about you - I want to be part of your issues, your challenges and your needs. I want to stand by you and help you through the vicissitudes of life. Love and romance fails to achieve its ultimate peak because we want to enjoy only the good part of the person we claim to love and allow them to deal with their peculiar challenges alone. If it is possible, and this happens often; when we discover some issues about the person we claim to love and it is going to inconvenience us, we find ways and means to break away from that person. Is that love? Nope!
Love is when in spite of the weaknesses and challenges someone is facing, you can stand up and say: "Yes, I see these issues; but I have made a commitment to be in love with you - I will stay here with you and together we can fix this problem". Love says, I am in pain because of what you have caused but I know you are a good person; your challenge or weakness is not what defines the entirety of your life. Brace up, I am right here with you.
As human beings, we are basically selfish being. Love seeks to banish selfishness and enthrone selflessness and sacrifice for the good of your love object. Relationships, marriages and friendship across all romantic and emotional levels will do well and better if true love is given a chance.
True love does not tolerate evil, but finds a way to deal with the evil. True love hates deceit and unfaithfulness but is able to stand up to them and defeat them.
Love and Friendship
I have always believed that two people desiring to become emotional and romantic lovers must first of all be friends. What really is love without being friends? Its a contradiction in terms. Friendship is the central point of what holds true love together. Friends don't relate on the basis of feelings but on the grounds of commitment to look out for each other's interests. Therefore, when the sweet feelings of love wanes, the power of friendship holds the two together. When issues make the two lovers temporarily alienates their romantic partnership, friendship makes them look at the issues objectively and they find a way around it.
Don't marry someone who is not a friend. Marriage can throw some hard punches at the two of you; the best way to weather the storm of these challenges is when the two of you as friends can step aside, look at the issue as a mountain that must be overcome and synergize your friendship powers to overthrow the troubles.
Let us do this again another time.
I do not have the time to speak about the different meanings of the word "love". Suffice it to say however that love can be classified in three different categories of "agape", "phileo" and "eros". All are important depending upon which angle you are positioned. Agape, as the Greeks explain is God's unconditional love. Phileo is the kindred feeling for brother and sister, mother and father, friends and acquaintances. Eros is the animal love that lovers and married persons express in sex.
I want to focus on love as can be expressed in romantic situations. This is the hottest subject of the times. Every woman needs a man and vice versa. This need creates equally high amount of crisis that if not properly managed can cause a huge emotional turmoil of gigantic proportion. You see a lady, you feel strongly for her to be friends with her and when you speak to her, both of you seem to have the same chemistry and the next thing on your minds is how you can make that mutual feeling last for a long time. But this always does not last as long as we expect it to be. They are short-lived by many factors. Some of these factors are what really true love should help ameliorate.
When you tell someone you love him or her, I believe what that should mean is this: I like you as a person; I want to always be with you and if possible, I want you to spend the rest of our lives together. It also means: I care a lot about you - I want to be part of your issues, your challenges and your needs. I want to stand by you and help you through the vicissitudes of life. Love and romance fails to achieve its ultimate peak because we want to enjoy only the good part of the person we claim to love and allow them to deal with their peculiar challenges alone. If it is possible, and this happens often; when we discover some issues about the person we claim to love and it is going to inconvenience us, we find ways and means to break away from that person. Is that love? Nope!
Love is when in spite of the weaknesses and challenges someone is facing, you can stand up and say: "Yes, I see these issues; but I have made a commitment to be in love with you - I will stay here with you and together we can fix this problem". Love says, I am in pain because of what you have caused but I know you are a good person; your challenge or weakness is not what defines the entirety of your life. Brace up, I am right here with you.
As human beings, we are basically selfish being. Love seeks to banish selfishness and enthrone selflessness and sacrifice for the good of your love object. Relationships, marriages and friendship across all romantic and emotional levels will do well and better if true love is given a chance.
True love does not tolerate evil, but finds a way to deal with the evil. True love hates deceit and unfaithfulness but is able to stand up to them and defeat them.
Love and Friendship
I have always believed that two people desiring to become emotional and romantic lovers must first of all be friends. What really is love without being friends? Its a contradiction in terms. Friendship is the central point of what holds true love together. Friends don't relate on the basis of feelings but on the grounds of commitment to look out for each other's interests. Therefore, when the sweet feelings of love wanes, the power of friendship holds the two together. When issues make the two lovers temporarily alienates their romantic partnership, friendship makes them look at the issues objectively and they find a way around it.
Don't marry someone who is not a friend. Marriage can throw some hard punches at the two of you; the best way to weather the storm of these challenges is when the two of you as friends can step aside, look at the issue as a mountain that must be overcome and synergize your friendship powers to overthrow the troubles.
Let us do this again another time.
