How do I know who I should marry? (Part II)

My last blog majored on how you may be able to know who should be your spouse.  I ended the discourse by suggesting to those who might not have come to the knowledge of their purpose yet in life to go find out.  The truth here is hinged on the fact that you cannot possibly make the right and correct choice if you have not placed your hand on the reason why you are here on earth.

Why is this very important?  I have said this before and will say it here again; you have no business looking for a wife if you have no work to do.  This is not talking about a practical job but a life-time vocation/work.  God gives a wife to you based on the job he has asked you to do.  If you marry outside the purpose for which God created you, the relationship may deny you the fulfillment you require in what you were created to do and this can be very frustrating.  It's akin to living in hell while on earth.

Whoever becomes your spouse should be one who is in sync with your purpose; motivates you, encourages and fuel your passion and gives you the drive to continue when you feel low.  Do not ever marry someone just because you are lonely; you can be married and still be lonely!  Don't marry because you are sexually in need; you can be married and be sexually frustrated!  Okay, this is becoming interesting.  She has great looks, nice lips, great hips and she's got all the right curves in the relevant places.  Is her mind in sync with you?  Do you have the same view about religion?  Are you together on how to handle finance?  What is the basic interest that will keep the spark on after the excitement of the honeymoon?  If you cannot place your hands on the tangibles in this respect; please don't proceed.

Who you marry is totally your call.  It is not your daddy's call, nor your mother's choice.  Your friends may give you a head-start but they cannot make your decisions for you in this respect.  It is basically your choice and you have to make an informed choice.  What books have you read about relationships?  Have you carefully observed where you are headed in life and taken at second look at your relationship?  If you can bridge the gap that exists right now and what makes you thick in life is not threatened, then you are on track.  If you have to make a U-turn on your vision and mission for life because your prospective spouse does not fancy it, then you must watch it.

Marriage is about 40 to 50 years project.  Are there things you can live with and things you cannot?  Why should a guy slap you because he is angry and you still insist on going on with the relationship because you "love" him?  If he started it when you were courting, he will do it a hundred times when you are married.  If he did it at all, he can do it again.  Your lady calls you a fool just because you guys are having an argument?  That is definitely a game-changer!  Slip of tongue?  Its from the inside - you don't speak what you never thought about.  Mutual respect is critical to marriage and if you can't find it in your relationship - your married life might be a frustration at the end of the day.

Things that make for great marriages are noticed and nurtured from the courting stage.  If a marriage is going to hit the rocks, the signs are obvious from the beginning. 

You enjoy great conversation with your fiance?  That's a great sign.  The guy looks out for your interests and apologies for mistakes.  Treasure that guy!  She always want to help you out and is interested in your career and general well-being.  That looks like your wife.  A husband should be a comfort giver; a wife should inspire confidence and rest/homeliness.  True love is concerned about the other person because when there is a giving, there will be a returning of the same which was given out.

I wish I had more time to continue... I hope this gives you a clue as to how to arrive at who should be your wife or husband.  I expect your questions and we can discuss them.  Godspeed!

"Is he the one? Is she? How do I know?"

My last blog titled "I am of age, I want to marry" gave me a clue to the near crisis situation young ladies and guys face today as to the issue of marriage and relationship.  The amount of interest it generated amongst my readers is a huge encouragement for me to continue on in this series.  Today, I want to major on the subject of how you may know the right person for you.  I must however warn that there is no method that is cast in stone, however, I try here to discuss clear and general principles that are based on sound footing which if followed will definitely lead you on the right track.

The threshold of interest/friendship

What really makes you want to be friends with someone of the opposite sex?  You definitely are not friendly with every guy or lady if you are of the opposite gender.  There must be something that you must have found interesting to you that you want to identify with.  This must not be mixed up with the general interest guys have for ladies for the sole motive of taking them to bed; neither is it the crush a lady has on a guy just because he simply looks good and she wants him for one night stand.  This likeness and interest I discuss here is simply pure and has no desire for lust as its basic motivation.

If you like someone, it means there is something inside of you that know that the other person has some value to offer your life.  This threshold of interest which leads to friendship must be entered into with caution so that you are not in a way making hasty commitments before you are supposed to.

There are different occasions at which you might meet your new acquaintance.  It could be in school or at work or just in a bus and the normal and casual "hi hi" kind of relationship is established.  You are most likely drawn towards each other because of a certain kind of chemistry you share which might be difficult to explain.  This chemistry which draws you to each other should naturally lead you to begin to check each other out with respect to your future as individuals.  

Questions on your mind like "does this person respect me? does she believe in me? do we share the same values for life?  does he share my passion?  do I have a tendency to gravitate towards him just because it is him who said it?  does she answer my questions of whether women can be trusted (or vice versa)?  does she love me for the sake of who I am or what I have?  do I love her for the sake of herself irrespective of her faults?"  If you answer YES to at least 80% of these questions as you relate with this person for upwards of six months, then you are supposed to take this relationship a bit seriously.  If your answer is NO in at least 50% of the entire catalogue, you should begin to make a steady retreat.  These are initial tests that most of us never did or do not consider necessary.  We just go on a swing of feeling, having been swept off our feet with sweet words which men and women have learnt how to say over time especially when they have ulterior motives at the back of their minds.

The question of purpose

As a young man or woman, if you do not yet have a handle on why you are here on earth, a relationship towards the end of marriage should be the last thing on your mind.  If you get serious and make commitments in a relationship before you find out your purpose and what you should be doing, you might suddenly discover that you are hooked to the wrong person who does not value or respect what you are cut out for and frustration and eventual crash of that relationship becomes apparent.  In some other cases, in a bid to hold on to the relationship especially when they are married and at the same time on to purpose; they may end up not fulfilling their destiny and at the same time have a very frustrating marriage.  That is akin to the story of a people who looked down on the profession of plumbing and exalted philosophy of any kind.  They ended up having very dry taps and came to naught when sound theories were required of them.


It is therefore critical for you to have a handle on purpose... the reason why you are here on earth before you think of entering a serious relationship that may end up in marriage.  If you at a loss as to how to find out your purpose, it will be necessary for you to get in touch with me and I can send you an advance e-copy of my book "WHAT CAN YOU SEE?" for a price you can't find anywhere if you so desire.  Send me an email to this effect and I will communicate with you the details of how you may pay and obtain the e-copy of the book.  My email address is godwinogwuche@yahoo.com.  The next set of discussions on this subject may become more profitable for you if you understand your purpose for life.


I will come to you with Part 2 of this particular subject with fuller details on how to know your partner in marriage.  Stay connected and don't touch this dial for a second!  Thank you for paying attention.  Keep your comments coming.