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Friday, February 25, 2011

MARRIAGE & DIVORCE AS A DESTINY DECISION

          As I began to discuss this matter in my last post, it attracted a huge followership.  This confirmed the fact that there are many who have serious issues with this subject.  It is a subject less discussed but commonly giving many a lot of trouble.  People especially in Africa discuss it less because they are afraid of being stigmatized as people who contemplate something that is anti-social.  The Church avoid it because they have come to live with the “fact” and not the truth that marriage is forever and the dissolution of one is completely undesirable and so the prospect of it being broken should not be discussed!  Individuals having challenges in their marriages and virtually heading towards eventual death prefer to die in it than talk about it and even contemplate a solution that might end up in divorce.  We all want to maintain a “perfect” image on the outside and do ourselves a disservice on the inside.  God forbid!  Knowledge in the real sense of the word is a deliverer.

          Agreed, marriage is meant to be forever and it is God’s perfect will for a married couple to live forever.  However, the question that we must be ready to face and answer is:  are all married couples ready to live with each other forever?  You might want to find out why this question is necessary.  If a man wants to live in harmony with his wife, would he contemplate and then move to act by cheating on her?  Would a wife who wants her marriage to remain forever go out of her way to create situations that will kill the trust her husband has reposed on her?  Why would a partner in a marriage constitute an obstacle to the growth and well-being of the other and expect everything to stay normal?  Is it not madness to expect good results when we sow bad seeds?  God’s desire is for marriage to be forever but man’s behavior runs contrary to that desire and that is why we have crisis and that is why marriages break up!

          Does God throw His hands in the air in utter dejection because you and your spouse cannot live together?  No!  Does He abandon His plan for you as an individual because you could not live with a partner?  Of course not!  He never does that and will never do that.  God will always be available for you to the extent that you relate to Him.  Amos 3:3 speaks about God’s mind about relationships between two people… “Can two walk together except they be agreed?”  We have standards in place for how human beings must relate to each other and how we must relate with God.  If you violate the “rules of engagement”, you will pay the penalty in each case.  Whatever you sow you reap.

          This background is necessary for critical understanding of the subject.  I have taken it up to discuss the nitty-gritty of this subject because a whole of lot people are in ignorance and it is important they are delivered.  Let me close today’s blog with a straight talk about one critical cause of bad marriages and why divorce becomes inevitable if the lives of the two involved must amount to anything.  This is not a license for you to go to town and become a divorce advocate and it is this fear that keeps people from discussing it especially in religious circle.  We believe that speaking the truth as it should be spoken will cause people to take the extreme measures and abuse it.  Say the truth all the same and let people use their judgment to decide.  Ultimately, everyone will be responsible for their personal decision but you must satisfy yourself that the knowledge you have, you made good your obligation to share it as it should be.

The Issue if not Divorce but Marriage Founded on Wrong Footing!

          Divorce is only a symptom of a disease.  The real disease is a bad marriage.  What constitutes or makes for a bad marriage?  It goes back to the foundation… when it all started.  I have always said it and I know it is true that not every woman is a wife to every man.  In the same vein, not every man can live with every woman.  The fact that you like someone does not make it right for you to be married.  Not every woman you like can be your wife.  Being married to someone is too serious to be taken casually, without detailed knowledge and seen as a vogue that you must wade into once you reach a certain chronological age.  It is a destiny decision and must be handled with all he seriousness it deserves.

          Unfortunately, many people who marry do so for the very wrong reasons marrying the persons they marry also for the wrong reasons.  When the right principles are not applied in the process of the marriage foundation, whatever is built on it cannot stand the test of time.  And when the center cannot hold, and things start falling apart, the consequence or the symptoms of that bad arrangement is divorce.  Keep a date with me in my next blog as we look at very clear reasons why divorce can become inevitable… if you are married, avoid them, if you are not married yet, you will know them and take note.  Let your comments keep coming… am all ears!

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