THE THREE STAGES OF SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIPS

One of the most critical area of every life is the relationship realm. This is speaking primarily for every kind of relationship. However, this note is specifically addressing romantic relationships. Every one of us have got what trips him or her in a woman or a man. At the point of starting out in the relationship, those things must have been spotted in our man or woman and that would have influenced our decision to give the union a go. It is very important that you never make the first move if you don't like the person. You don't consider starting if there is nothing in that person that you believe fits into your idea of an ideal partner. But that is just the first stage. There is a second stage and a third stage in every relationship that succeeds. What makes it a success is when you get to the third stage and move really on to greater good. Your relationship is not a success if it stops in stage one or two. Let us consider the three stages.

The Honeymoon Stage

You meet the guy or the lady, you interact for a while and you are 100% convinced you are meant for each other. Then the dating becomes more meaningful. You start addressing each other by special names; your friends know about you. You talk, talk and talk. Both of you see no evil, feel, no evil and believe nothing negative about each other. But this is a foundation laying stage. Serious partners will use this to build trust, speak about their past in phases, discuss family matters and talk about their future. Serious people will speak about their vision and how their relationship can affect it. They discuss and explore ways and means of surmounting challenges. At the background of all that is happening at this point is a high level of romantic feeling for each other. For couples who have agreed to the principle of NO SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE, they go through a constant period of fighting back feelings of holding each other and touching and all of that. That may altogether not be avoided but they will ensure that there is no sex in spite of the huge amount of desire they feel. Feeling is a major part of this period. They want to see each other, send loving text messages, talk through the night and attend events together. One day without speaking or seeing each other is boring. This is the Honeymoon Stage. It does not last forever. After a while, the next stage opens up...

The Reality Stage

Was the first stage not real? Oh yes, it was. But at this second stage, whatever is felt at the first stage is going to be tested by fire, flood and storm at this point. If the love was superficial, this stage will reveal that identity. If it was built on truth and genuine love, it will be tested here. This is the stage where each of you begin to notice what you don't like about the other person. The way she speaks to you without "respect", the way he does not "care" about you... you begin see that your man or woman is always "thinking about herself" or "himself"... you get angry at each other, and walk out of each other's presence at times. But in your different private moments, you hate the fact that you tear at each other the way you do. You reason that you shouldn't have reacted the way you did. That is correct. It is not strange. The person who hurt you most the closest person to you. 

You have these conflicts because the real person is getting close and you are seeing things you never saw from away. You were not supposed to see them from a distance in the first place, anyway. The Honeymoon Stage is designed for attraction; this stage is for re-alignment and proper positioning. This is the time you work on your mindset to come to terms with the real person. The first things you experienced in the Honeymoon Stage is not a fluke... it is not a lie - it is only one aspect of the person. A man or woman is not a one-season human being. We are known in part in different seasons. Don't define a person just because you met him in a happy season. Wait for the unhappy season and see another part of him. That is what brings about total knowledge. And in life, we keep learning about ourselves.

This Reality Stage is critical. It tests your conviction. It tests your resolve and when all is said and done; if you cross this stage, then you can fly into Stage Three. We are not done with Stage Two yet.

Stage Two is the stage that reveals maturity or tasks you to become matured. As Christians, it tests your ability to keep promises you made in the euphoria of feelings and excitement. When you said, "I will love you forever", Stage Two demands that you put that into action even when you feel nothing like you felt when you uttered those words. At this point, it is important to state that true love is not just about feelings, romance and sex. IT IS ABOUT RESPONSIBILITY, COMMITMENT and TRUST. You will hurt each other so much you would sometimes regret ever meeting the person but while Stage 1 makes you feel good about the person, stage 2 brings about another kind of feeling - you feel bad sometimes. 

Look back into the initial attraction when you have the crisis of Stage 2. What attracted you? Is it still there? Who he is, has it changed? Has the crisis of Stage 2 made her totally a different person? What fighting spirit do the two of you have to fight for what you both believed in? IT IS A MAKE OR MAR STAGE. At this stage, Lilly levered lovers quit on each other. They see no further than the challenges. Some of the challenges can be so daunting that if third parties who do not know the person in Stage 1 are allowed to make input, they will make a decision for you to crash it. That is why third party advisers and observers must be kept at bay in relationships that must succeed. It does not matter how close you are to them; be careful not to discuss certain matters of your relationship with them.

How to cross Stage 2: Stay true to your initial love for that person. See the challenges as a job you must do to help the person overcome. See it as your task. Don't walk away. That is failure. Don't quit. Quitting is only permitted or allowed when Stage 2 reveals a totally fake individual and if he or she was never sincere in the first place. That also is the advantage of stage 2. Besides that, stay true to the love you still feel for that person. The reason you hurt so much when your relationship is challenged at this stage is because your spirit does not want to lose the prospect of having the Honeymoon of Stage 1 back in play again. 

80% of relationships today do not cross Stage 2: Why? Because we lack the tenacity, the patience and the endurance to work on our emotions. Relationships that succeeds has got feelings, romance and excitement on one hand and has got patience, commitment and dedication to the person on the other hand. The first one is easy and the second one is hard. The interplay of the two will produce amazing results for the future of the two of you.

Stage Three

When you cross stage 2, it will take only God Himself to stop the two of you. You have weathered the storm; you have endured the pains and struggled through the valleys and climbed the mountains. You are on the verge of the Promised Land. Wedding dates are now fixed, plans are in full force and the Marriage Life is in view. The couples who go through Stage 2 and succeed are those who will have a blissful marriage. So many marriages skipped stage 2 because in the heat of their passion, they jumped to Stage Three. Don't worry. Stage Two cannot be skipped really. You will have it inside the marriage and God have mercy on the two of you... you might crash the flight in the first or second year. 

Take a critical look at your relationship now and use your tongue to count your teeth. I hope this helps a lot of people. I love you all.