I DON'T WANT TO BE LIKE YOU!

Its still about people using their worldview of issues to look at others and expecting them to be copy-cats of themselves.  It simply isn't going to work as long as we have diverse human beings with very unique peculiarities based on their personality types and God-given purposes.  

I am a firm believer in universal principles that should guide us as a race, a people and world citizens but when it comes down to methodologies, we must learn to respect the uniqueness of individuals.  There is a general principle for how we must relate with one another as a people with the instrumentality of love, but when it comes to likes and dislikes, love does not force its way here. 

Let me narrow this discourse to three critical areas of life and I will get out of your way.

I am a doctor - My son must not be one

In Africa, there is a tendency for people to take their passion so far to the point of trying to force their family members to like them.  A University don might want his kids to be teachers because obviously he must have been seeing the world from that point alone.  Let those kids be; let their uniqueness and innate potentials show forth.  That boy might just want to be a great drummer!  Support that lad and he might just be one of the greatest drummer on the face of the earth.  Why do you want him to bury his gift just because you want him to be like you?

Your dad picked your wife - don't match-mate your kids

I expect parents to come down heavily on me for staying with them in this discourse.  I am not necessarily talking to parents alone but these are critical issues in sub-Saharan Africa.  You may wonder if this is still happening today - that parents hand-pick spouses for their young children who are ready to marry.  Yes, it does happen - and subtly too.  It happens in homes and even in Churches!  

You must remember that you are dealing with individuals who have their lives more or less figured out.  There is a place for counseling on a general basis but you must leave the specifics of choice to them.  If your counsel is sound and principle-centered, trust the individual to stay on track but leave the ultimate choice to him.

Our paths in life are not the same

Conflict are rife between people because they fail to understand that they are headed in different paths in life.  We may have identical personality and agree on a wide range of issues but it is not an indication that we are headed the same direction.  We might just have these similarities just for the purpose of getting connected for the purposes of our relationship which should be defined but we must respect and value our differences.

These kinds of conflicts happen in families all the time.  You might find an elder brother desiring to have his siblings tow his kind of paths but they might not have been wired that way.  The best way to relate with them is to understand their peculiarity, their gifting and passions so they can be helped to fulfill their purposes.  It is very frustrating asking a natural left footed striker in the game of football to play on the right flank of the field where it is required that he shoots with his right foot!  When we force people to do things they are not wired to do, that is the frustration be bring on them.  Frustrated people can never be fruitful and productive.

Let's continue this discussion next time from another perspective.